"We get our nails done, put on makeup, do our hair, and still kick some ass."

If you're like us, you have an attic, closet, or garage stuffed with unused, outdated tech junk. Oh, you think you'll recycle it -- but you don't, do you? Wouldn't you like to do something useful with them?

But despite his tremendous commercial potential, Bob Marley's most enduring legacy is his prophetic one. For many Rastafarians, Marley's songs are parables and his discography is canonical. For millions of others, Marley is more than just a musical icon. He is revered for his social conscience, spiritual mysticism, and political courage, and ...

If you think it's easy to write music for slot machines, think again. Each song takes a few weeks to compose and involves hours hunched over computer or recording equipment. When Daniel Lee composes tunes for slot machines they're more than mere jingles - he wants to have a hook that draws players in.

After years of fighting, these 2 Rock Em Sock Em toys decide to throw down the gloves and call it a game of love

The Automatic Computing Engine or Ace was designed by Alan Turing and brought together a team who would go on to design the technology that underpins the internet.

Why, you little *****.

Without question, party films have regularly hit the soft spot in the hearts of moviegoers. Ranging from the comedy classic Animal House to the more recent Golden Globe award winning The Hangover, we have laughed heartily at others making drunken mayhem on the silver screen. Here are the best of the best, visualized in graphic form.

Users personal information is revealed through photos, status updates and conversations that are being well documented online. Last week, the Serious Fraud Office of London (SFO) warned that Facebook and Twitter are being used to harvest users’ personal financial details by fraudsters in order to operate "boiler rooms" offshore.

Advanced maternal age is linked to a significantly elevated risk of having a child with autism, regardless of the father's age, according to an exhaustive study of all births in California during the 1990s by UC Davis Health System researchers. Advanced paternal age is associated with elevated autism ...

When is a TV studio not just a TV studio? If the network that owns it takes a sledgehammer to the short-lived legacy of its previous inhabitant — as NBC appears to have done in photos from the ravaged set of Conan O’Brien’s Tonight Show — then that’s probably your first sign that there’s something a little personal going on.

Companies now spend $425 billion annually on contingent labor, which accounts for about 11% of the workforce, or 14 million people.

Here are 15 examples of the weirdest foreign game shows we could find; some of them are so awful that they're fantastic.

This kid creates a rather impressive ball trick using an iPhone, HDTV, and a couple laptops.

With confetti and congratulations pouring down on him after Sunday's 31-17 Super Bowl XLIV ambush of the favored Indianapolis Colts, New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton- a guy who likes to celebrate -- said he wasn't sure he would make it to the traditional Monday morning winners' news conference.

I don't know what these two females were trying to do, but unless their intentions were to make complete asses of themselves, I think we can safely assume that they failed miserably.

How much do British people love smashing things into each other’s face? These casual acts of violence has prompted the invention a new pint glass that won’t break even if you plunge it into someone's face. If any non-Brits out there are shaking their heads in belief about the veracity of our barbarism, you can come out with me on a night....

Gravy. There is no substitute...

But, the game's specific score and momentum were pretty far off the mark.

Not every Nintendo property is as successful as Mario or Zelda. Here are some of Nintendo's games that you may have forgotten.

Artists frequently turn to technology for inspiration or commentary, utilizing components such as chips, ink cartridges and disk drives to make their art. This guy makes art using Floppy Disks.

There's a loose puck in the corner during an extremely physical grudge match Olympic game between Canada and Russia, and $170 million worth of NHL talent is chasing it. Some players stubbornly refuse to weigh the potentially greater risk of injury in such a high-tempo tournament.

Further proving the fact that the Rick Perry has finally found someone prettier and dumber than him to partner up with, his and Palin's fans with their horribly misspelled signs give the "Get a brain, morans" guy a run for his money.

Preservationist Al Fastier spent three long, cold days laying on his stomach in Antarctica earlier this month, chipping away at ice that had accumulated under the 102-year-old hut built by Sir Ernest Shackleton. His goal was to retrieve two crates of whisky that was brought down with him after his unsuccessful 1908 expedition to the South Pole.

I bet your mom couldn't take down a caribou using just her mouth

Washington state looks a bit different...

Super Bowl XLIV is one for the record books. Sunday's big game set a new all-time U.S. ratings high, overthrowing the 27-year-old record held by ....

After debating all summer whether to even return to the Olympics, Miller is back. And love him or hate him, he's again a multi-medal threat. At 32, he's a father now and has rejoined the U.S. Ski Team after two seasons of training and racing on his own.

Welcome to the Krewe of Barkus, a Mardi Gras parade specifically for dogs. This year's theme was "The Dogs Go Barking In" -- with plenty of pooches dressed up in the Saints' colors.

Tim Burton, Johnny Depp and Disney are adding a strange new chapter to the Lewis Carroll classic with "Alice in Wonderland." Screenwriter Linda Woolverton, whose previous credits include the Disney hits "Beauty and the Beast" and "The Lion King," says at one point she thought "Really, what have you got yourself into?" [Warning: Spoilers]

Was that a UFO sighting...or a hoax? It turns out that crafting a UFO video hoax is quite easy if you know the right tricks. James Williams gets five tips from an accomplished UFO hoax video creator.

People who drink two or more sweetened soft drinks a week have a much higher risk of pancreatic cancer, an unusual but deadly cancer, researchers reported on Monday.

Researchers worry that high rates of lifetime drug use among boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) will create health complications and swamp drug-treatment programs. “We are projecting that by the year 2020, we will probably have enough people in that age group needing treatment that we will need to double the number of treatment facilities.’’

It's a humdinger. But is it the worst political ad of our time? Thanks in part to the dream-enabling power of the stupid internet, there are at least seven other candidates among current and recent political ads for that dubious title. Take a look at them and judge for yourself.

China has found another 170 tons of tainted milk powder in an emergency crackdown that has made it increasingly clear many products discovered in the country's 2008 milk scandal were repackaged for sale instead of destroyed.

Women with high levels of flame retardants in their blood took longer to become pregnant, and children scored lower on development tests.

Most people believe that when partners cheat, it's a symptom of a bad relationship. They ask, "What was he or she not getting at home?" You can even find experts urging scorned women to snap men out of their doldrums by surprising them with something sexy . . . so their tomcats are less likely to prowl. What a bunch of sexist hooey!

Want to know what your local MP is doing? There's an app for that. Labour MP Derek Wyatt has become the world's first serving politician to launch an iPhone app which he said makes him more accountable to constituents.The free MyMP app shows users what their MP is doing, where they are and lets the public send messages to them directly!

If Earth is giant natural art gallery, the United States is among its most impressive geologic installations. Here are 10 of the most awe inspiring, both for their raw beauty and for the forces that went into their creation.

Doctors and aid workers are wrestling with the burden of proving that they are not illegally transporting children, whose risk of dying is rising while the paperwork awaits.

Republicans this month will bring President Obama a set of ideas and a more modest health care plan.

The apparent victory of Russia’s preferred candidate in Ukraine’s presidential race may please Vladimir V. Putin, but the election’s competitive nature contrasts sharply with Russia’s recent history.

In Nineveh Province, a parliamentary election considered crucial to Iraqi unity is highlighting conflicts among ethnic and religious groups.

The average American is expected to spend nearly $1,000 on services like cable, Internet and online video games.

Rajendra K. Pachauri and the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change face accusations of scientific sloppiness and potential financial conflicts of interest.

Agreements on U.S. bases and allowing nuclear-armed ships in Japanese ports date from the 1960s and 1970s.

Saints Coach Sean Payton’s circuitous path to the top of the N.F.L. embodies the team’s “unwanted and underrated” character.

Computer experts say individuals with upcoming bachelor parties or afterwork get-togethers are especially vulnerable to cyber attacks resulting in fraudulent late-night purchases.

LOS ANGELES--A Coca-Cola commercial celebrating Latin American culture made its debut on several major networks last week, empowering and uplifting Latinos nationwide, sources reported Monday.

MIAMI—On the heels of their 31-17 win over the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl XLIV, the New Orleans Saints rose to the third spot in the most recent NFL team power rankings

ST. PAUL, MN—One of the most sought-after high school recruits of the year, Seantrel Henderson, a 340-pound, 6-foot-8 offensive tackle, unwittingly signed with Notre Dame after Fighting Irish coach Brian Kelly played a series of mind tricks on the senior.

SAN FRANCISCO—An unfunny private joke dating back to when they were roommates five years ago is reportedly the last remaining thread still...

Ten American missionaries were charged with kidnapping after trying to take 33 Haitian children--some orphans, some not--across the border to the...

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—NASA officials announced today the successful launch of the new shuttle Moonage Daydream, marking the beginning of a long-anticipated two-week conceptual mission inspired by British rock star David Bowie.

Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

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RANCHO SANTA FE, CA—In response to accusations of cheating that he called hurtful, insensitive, and simply not true, Phil Mickelson lashed out at Scott McCarron Thursday, demanding that his fellow PGA Tour member publicly apologize for humiliating Mickelson's 20-year-old pitching wedge.

TUALATIN, OR—"Someone's gotta keep track of this stuff," said Bill Jacobson, though he ceased having any authority over his son's life more than 16 years ago.

MIAMI—According to his teammates and coaches, Colts quarterback Peyton Manning has been sequestered in the film room at Sun Life Stadium for the last three days reviewing game tape from the Saints' 1974 season.

VALLEJO, CA-The web-browser history on Allen and Christine Pollard's home iMac computer provides a comprehensive chronicle of the couple's deepest frustrations and desires, sources reported Monday.

Citing the study's bad methodology, the British medical journal The Lancet retracted a 1998 paper that linked autism with the...

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MIAMI—As the Super Bowl captures the country's attention, excitement over the NFL's championship game is muted somewhat by the persistent question of whether winning, or losing for that matter, holds any absolute value—a question that has many football fans pondering the meaning of the game itself.

Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland

WASHINGTON, DC-Holding aloft a box of unclaimed coats, wallets, and in-line skates labeled "Cincinnati," Secretary of the Interior Bruce Babbitt announced Monday that the federal government is no longer responsible for personal items lost or stolen within U.S. borders.

I'm not really the kind of person to get caught up in the latest trends or fashions or anything like that. But some days, if I get out of work...

Melissa Donley, author and cat relationship expert, visits Today NOW! with some tips for people in long term relationships with their cats.

OSHKOSH, WI—Insisting she recently received a ticket on Jackson Street, Brenda McCormick, 57, issued a stern warning to her son Justin...

Defense Secretary Robert Gates and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Mike Mullen both spoke out in favor of Obama's call to lift the "don't ask, don't...

PALO ALTO, CA—Alzheimer's researchers at Stanford University published a study this week showing that the degenerative brain disease is beginning to affect the baby boomer generation, causing many to remember the 1960s even less accurately than they normally would.

MOSCOW--A devious little raccoon chewed through the power cord of the starboard truss, turning the space station over in orbit.